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A Sunny Place for Shady People

Pithy, contrarian, politically incorrect and curmudgeonly rants on sex, money, power and politics and religion and philosophy. In short: Nothing matters, everything changes and there are no guarantees. The rest is rationalization and bribery. (c) Tom Milner 2002-2003. DIRECTORY of offensive POSTS at Archives: 07/09/03. RECOMMENDED BLOGS: Archives: 07/29/03. email: theoldbuzzard AT sunnyplaceforshadypeople DOT com.

Friday, December 06, 2002
Monday, December 09, 2002

The current number (December 9) of Newsweek sort of got our dander up, with its cover story on "The New Virginity," featuring an immaculately sterile teenage couple smiling at us ever so coquettishly, their purity so stainlessly unstained.

We rather favor the old virginity, the responsible loss of which we always applauded when accomplished, however clumsily, sooner rather than later.

And yes, Virginia, there were infections even in those ancient climes.

Apparently today there's an ungodly conflict between the sex educators and the (mostly) evangelical abstainers.

We support anyone's right, of course, to abstain from sex.

But we also support anyone's right to libertinage.

The problem is that the chaste can be so sexually clueless -- and thus especially vulnerable to the usual diseases, including pregnancy.

These innocents may delay major erotic play, in some cases, until marriage in their thirties. How awful for them.

The usual culprit: religion.

Preach abstinence if you must, ye fundamentalist cultists, but teach the Basics, too. Don't avoid either the reality or the beauty of sexuality.

We happen to think it's perfectly healthy for young and informed teenagers to enjoy protected sex one with another, time after time.

It sure beats masturbation and those awfully hairy palms and creeping blindness.

But hell, whatever the choice, we wish them all well.


The rant appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday.


Wednesday, December 04, 2002
Friday, December 06, 2002

Here at the scatter the subject of Xmas decoration is well underway.

And we believe, as always, that less is more.

We venerate the pagan of the season. We erect the phallically totemic tree, fresh and tartly scented, strung with simple white unblinking lights. Maybe a few unique and very personal ornaments (nod to sentimentality) to evoke Xmas Past.

In our saucy, rebellious youth we always placed a large "Screw Off and Die" button atop the tree. We've now outgrown that juvenalia.

The apex is now bare, not even a single bulb and, at bottom, a moat as preservative.

That's it.

Since we unfortunately live in vile suburbia where much attention is paid to garish outdoor light shows and overly illuminated stick figures on roof tops, in the past we were simply dark.

But last year we capitulated to unspoken neighborly pressure and erected on the house's front a single box of unstrung and unremoved multicolored lights neatly arranged, just as they were originally factory packed, in two very tidy rows. Total size: about one foot square.

Arguably existential.

Less is always more, not only in this time of emotional and pious excess, but all year long.


The rant appears on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.


Tuesday, December 03, 2002
Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Voices recently raised, all aflutter, in the Florida Keys over a creek and a finny creature called a jewfish: townsmen and visitors are battling over a proposed linguistic reincarnation.

Does political correctness never lapse? Will this insanity never end?

Some are apparently offended by this word "jewfish," which has no "Jewish" etymology, meaning simply a a large, dark spotted grouper. (One dictionary citation did note it was considered so clean it qualified as dietarily Kosher, which should encourage its supporters and embarrass its detractors.)

And, one dares not, anymore, use the word "niggardly" in speech or even writing, for fear of being labeled racist.

This is patently silly.

"Niggardly"'s etymology is Scandinavian and unrelated to bigotry. It simply means stingy, as in "that niggardly Oslovian."

And "Chinaman" is taboo, but not Chinatown, wherein reside not Chinamen but refined Asian gentlemen.

Let's not even consider the crazed feminists' complaints about utilitarian phrases like "Men at Work," or the frantic lady Sabbatists who insist on, minimally, genderless deities or, more starkly, just plain goddesses.

Florida: be completely idiotic and rename that creek and pescine "muslimfish" and really try to test the truly offensive.


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